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Photo taken by an Australian friend… had to post. 

 

“If peein your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis”

I have a friend by the name of Ric who is the man. Ric is a real funny guy who can make any situation seem fun. Everybody loves the guy, and everybody loves hanging out with him….. especially while drinking. Drinking is one of Ric’s favorite pastimes. He’ll drink anything and everything, and because he is such a physical specimen he can outlast almost anyone. Whether it’s shotguns, keg stands, or chugging, Ric can dominate the above average and stand toe to toe with most drinkers on the planet.

He’ll often drink ‘til the wee hours of the morning, sometimes even ‘til sunrise. Yes Ric is the man, but there is only one thing that keeps him from being a God…..THE GUY PEES THE BED.

He only used to do it on occasion, but lately it’s been bad. This year I’d say he’s probably done it at least once or twice a month. At one point he even sought help in the form of Sacred G paper. Fans of Rob & Big know what I’m talking about, but for those who don’t it is basically geometry paper used for sacred art or architecture. Rob used Sacred G on his skateboard and under his bed and it brought him good luck. Ric figured, why not, and threw a sheet under his bed.

The Sacred G was working out great for him until the biggest drinking holiday of the year…. ST. PATRICK’S DAY. Here in Philly we have something known as Erin Express. This is basically an excuse to wake up at 8 AM and start slugging beers. All bars open up at 9 or earlier and there are a bunch that are located real close to each other. Anyway, we were drinking a lot and throwing down car bombs until Ric started getting a little drunk. He realized this though, and asked our friend Edge to take him home. When he arrived home he immediately curled up in his bed and passed out.

About 20 minutes later I checked on Ric only to find an ungodly sized pee stain underneath him. This was the most piss I have ever seen in my life. It somehow spread all the way from his knees to his pillow. Not even the Sacred G could hold off a pissing exhibition like this one.

Ric managed to hold off on the bed wetting for a while until about a week ago. It was an average Thursday night, but Ric decided to do an above average amount of drinking. He was drinking at his normal pace until we got to our second bar of the night. It was around 1 or so when our buddy found a friend of his in the VIP area. The guy had a bottle of gin so Ric took full advantage. The VIP guy fed him several shots of gin to start. A few minutes later Ric picked up a full cup of gin and chugged half of it. When someone informed him that it was straight gin he shrugged his shoulders, filled the rest of the cup up with cranberry, and chugged the rest.

Not long after Ric was face down in the middle of the dance floor. When we tried to move him it was like moving a dead fish. It took the help of four bouncers to get him out of there. When we finally got him back to the house all we could manage was to drag him onto the couch. What a huge mistake that was!

Yep you guessed it. When we saw him in the morning he had completely peed the couch. The cushions were soaked, and when we moved them there was a small puddle underneath. Insult to injury, when he tried to turn his phone on in the morning, no dice. The piss soaked the phone and ruined it. He had R. Kelly’ed the celly. This guy just doesn’t know when to stop partying.

Some might say that me putting my friends’ troubles up on the internet for the world to see is a dick move. People we know may see it, maybe even girls who want his Johnson. Well readers, I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to a dear friend. It just so happens that the real Ric is me!

 

Peaches-Fuck the Pain Away, sung by Miss Piggy

YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!!

 

hahahahahahah PRICELESS!

 

Robin Sparkles-Music Videos

I dunno who else watches How I Met Your Mother, but one of the lead characters Robin (who is a “smart, funny, beautiful, Canadian, news broadcaster”) who also turns out to have been a 80s Canadian pop star in her youth… and these are her videos! haha hilarious… especially her and James Van Der Beck (sp?) in the second video! 

 

 

 

Iceland Eurovision 2008-This Is My Life

THIS IS NO JOKE

 

What’s more gb than perezhilton???

 

Iceland’s entry into the Eurovision song contest!

 

This is the music video for their song, This Is My Life. Yes, the song is in English and it is Iceland’s official entry into the formally “serious” international music competition. The video may be intended to be comedic, but the song is really THAT GB.

 

Fantabulous… go Iceland! 

 

POAK CHOPS–YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!

Poak Chops

 

 

haha, loves it!

 

Wait, DragonBeatz? As in masturbation?

I think this is the music section of this site, but there’s only one thing I know about Beatz. I’ll even spell it out in LoL Cats.

Iz Beatz My Cock…or something like that.

I’ve been doing a helluva lot of thinking and beating lately…hence what spawned me to write this post. Is it possible that thinking and beating off go hand in hand? Think about it: to think about something properly it is best to have a clear mind. What is the best way to clear one’s mind? Give your self a mind-blowing orgasm. Duh. For all you guys out there: What do you think about as soon as you’re done throwing away those tissues? Nothing. Your mind is empty because all the blood is in your cock and nothing is left upstairs. THIS is where the good stuff happens. As the blood rushes back to your head, try and think really hard about what’s bothering you, or about how to fix a problem. By the time your brain is back online, you should have your answer.

Try it. Go beat your cock then think real hard. Rinse and repeat. Oh, and girls, you should try it to. Double click your mouse a few times then trying doing some thinking. It maybe surprise you. Please lock your doors though. No one wants to see a life size replica of “The Thinker” with an erect penis or swollen vagina lips. It would be a site to see, but probably not for everyone.

-FB

 

Irlande Douze Pointe

For those of you that do not know, The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual competition held among active members countries of the European Broadcasting Union or EBU. Each member country submits a song to be performed on live television and then casts votes for the other countries’ songs to determine the most popular song in the competition. This competition has been in place since 1956, and is usually taken very seriously with soulful songs depicting issues such as love and honor… but this year was a little different. THIS year Ireland decided to shake things up a bit and submitted fabulous song by Dustin the Turkey. It’s fierce! lol (Seriously though, check it out—I was laughing hysterically when I first saw it)  It’s sung by a freakin’ turkey puppet!!!   

 

Viggo Package

Okay so I saw Eastern Promises last night, a Focus Features film <insert FB shoutout>. It was pretty good/entertaining/whatever, until this shower scene, and then it turned the corner onto Amazing Street. The movie had some foul language, decent amount of violence, PG-13/R-rated borderline stuff, and then this scene completely catapulted it into vicious, unadulterated R-rated orbit. Viggo Mortensen, covered in nothing but tattoos and a towel gets jumped by mafia guys in this Russian bath house. He stands up to confront them and just tosses the towel aside, seemingly for no reason. Just so we can see all of his shit flying around. I’ve seen Jackie Chan use less than that towel to incapacitate more than those 2 guys. During the whole fight scene, which is a great one, I kept staring at his junk. Now, gay or not, I was staring pretty hard at his bush, which let’s just say was unkept, and I don’t know if I could fight, in a movie or in real life, completely naked, with my shit going everywhere. Something might get nipped or something. Gew.

In the scene, he wrestles with the one guy and slams the back of his head into his own knife propped up on the floor. Then, just as he’s crawling out of the steam room (nudity is still the necessary element here), the other guy grabs him, they wrestle, and Viggo jabs the guy’s own knife into his EYEBALL. Jesus. Blood everywhere. Yes-please. Kudos to Viggo for doing a sick ten minute fight scene with his package flying everywhere. No stunt double necessary. The other actors were probably balltapping him every scene. I would have.

I’ll take a nude fight scene over a sex scene any day of the week that ends in “Y”:

 

USE CONDOMS